Wedding Week

Mom! I can't believe it is already time for my Wedding Week! I wish you were going to be there for all of the last minute touches and details. I wish you were the one doing my hair. I wish you would be making last minute alterations for the bridal party. I wish you would be making all of your special treats for the family. I wish you were there to hold my hand and quote, "For such a time as this..." to me.

It breaks my heart that have to do this without you, but just know you are here in spirit. Your voice is so alive in my head. I hear it everyday. I just wish you could see what I have been in the last 2 years. God has shown me so much about myself and how to love Erik the right way. I think you would be proud.

I love you, Mom!

Happy Birthday!

Happy 62nd Birthday! I am just sure you would look fabulous on this day if you were here. Sometimes I think about the gifts I would buy you if you were here. There is this store in Branson called Mark Ashton bags. They are a lot like Vera Bradley, but you can customize the fabric. If you were here on this birthday, I would have had a custom bag made for you.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

What would you do?

"What would you do?" Those are the words I would really like to ask you tonight. There are so many little details that needs decisions on them very soon, and I can't seem to choose which way to go.  All I know is I want to marry that man and have him as my partner. I wish all of the other stuff would just magically appear.

Can I show you the things I want to do for decorations?

I really think you would like it all. I am trying to keep it as "less is more." I try to hear your words of how to handle myself and all of the decisions.  I love you and wish you were here to help me with everything.  

Wish you were here...

MOM!!!!! He proposed. I said yes.

And you would have loved where he did it, too! Riverview Park in Hannibal. I used to love going there with you.  I always thought it was our special place. Even when we were hugging right before he got down on one knee, I was thinking about you.  I forgot to tell you that he used the diamond that dad gave to you for your first diamond. We remounted it in a white gold Tiffany style solitaire mount. You wouldn't believe how much it sparkles.

So, since you aren't here, Aunt Lennis has been helping with all of the planning. It is really exciting. We are having the wedding and reception at the Apple Basket in Barry. (I loved going there with you, too!)  I think you would really love what we are going to do. Damask, Apples, white lights...  Less is more is my motto! Wonder where I learned that?

I miss you and wish you were here with me for all of the excitement.  But I kind of feel like you are with me because I have a reminder of you on my ring finger everyday!

Love you and miss you so much!

Missing you...

Mom, I can't believe how long it has been since I last heard your voice. Felt your touch. Tasted your food. Is it possible that it has been a year and half? So many things are happening right now that I wish you could be here for.

Since we last spoke so many things have happened between Erik & I. Mom, he wants to be a missionary. Not just go with me, but really wants to partner with me!  He may not be a morning person, like onions, or breakfast, but you loved him so much anyway.  He makes me so happy and is my very best friend. I can't imagine not spending everyday of my life with him.

Today you would have been here while I tried on dresses at David's Bridal. You would have given suggestions about flattering necklines and fabrics that conceal or reveal. Funny thing is that I heard your voice.  It may not have been audible to anyone else in the room, but I heard it.

You are missed so much, Mom.  I wish you could be here for this part of the journey, but I will have to tell you about later when we meet in Heaven. You would love the details!

Happy Mother's Day

Dear Mom,

There were so many commercials this year for Lowe's or local gardens that made me want to go buy you a new bush or flowers.  The JCPenney commercials made me want to go clothes shopping with you. I would see a pretty purse and think, Mom would love that.  

Well, you weren't here. And I didn't have a reason to buy you a present. A friend suggested that I just buy something for you and keep it for myself. But that just didn't seem like any fun.  So instead, I made a donation to Europe's Children in your honor. You paid for 5 children from Romania and Kosovo to go to Kid's Camp.

I knew you would like it! Why? Well, because you love Europe, you were always a camp counselor for me, and you would rather I spend money on the "kingdom" that on a silly purse! 

Mom, I miss you so much. Today especially.  The sermon at church had me in tears just thinking about you and our last years together.  They were more precious to me than you will ever know. You were a one of a kind mom and taught me so much about loving God and loving others.  I hope to one day to be half as good as you were at being a mom.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

The donation paid for 5 of these kids to go to camp this summer!

Eat Your Carrots!

Today I was in Kansas City with my office and I was delighted to eat at a Thai Restaurant.  I found my self dreaming of the red or green curry and hoping and praying they would have Mango Sticky Rick on their menu.  I started to think about how much I love this food that many people do not care for.  I started to laugh that I, the pickiest eater of all of my mom's children, would be the one to love all sorts of crazy foods from around the world. Sushi, Indian, Thai, and those are just the top 3!

I'll never forget sitting at the kitchen table at our house in Hull, IL.  Invariably my carrots were mocking me as the rest of my food disappeared from the plate.  Mom would always say to me, "Eat your carrots or you can't leave the table..."  Or sometimes it was, "It's better if you eat them warm" or "mash them up and mix them into your potatoes and you won't even taste them." Lies. They are not better warm. And they still make me gag mixed in with my beloved potatoes!

Was she shocked when I was dragging her to taste of Thai as an adult. Yes. Did she like Thai food? Not really.  Part of me was satisfied when she said it would not be something she would choose to do again!  So mom, here's to you not giving up on me.

P.S. Carrots still make me gag!